You're completely useless in the revolution.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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