why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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