The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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