eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
