I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
