Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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