So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
