Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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