my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
