Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
