im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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