dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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