Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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