I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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