i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize