oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
