I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
