I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
