the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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