that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
