How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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