I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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