so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
