its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
