I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
