i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
