Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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