he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
