ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize