Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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