so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
