the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
