Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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