Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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