I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
