He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
