I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
