I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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