i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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