thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
