first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not ubering you a puppy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
