I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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