i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
