I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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