oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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