Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
