I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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