you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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