So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
