time to smoke my breakfast
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
