We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
