onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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