You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
