He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
