Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
