yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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