i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
