nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i drank out of a bidet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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