It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
