i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
