Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize
