Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize