You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
