Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
