Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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