Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You ate ashes out of my bong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
