Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize