He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
